Spell Check

Bethiah, what are you doing?

Finishing up my biography report for English class, Mom.

What? On your computer? How are you supposed to develop your runic handwriting if you insist on using that infernal mechanical contraption?

I hate using quills, Mom, you know that! The ends always split, making a mess, and I'm sure it's animal cruelty.

Who's this? Joanne Rowling? I thought you were doing your report on Bethiah Carter! She bamboozled the town of Salem and escaped being hanged as a witch! What has this 'Joanne Rowling' done to top that?

Um, she writes books.

Writes books? Wait, is this J. K. Rowling, the hack writer? She completely slandered our people! Why would you choose her over Bethiah, your ancestor and namesake?

Ms. Rowling's an incredible person! She went from living on welfare to being wealthy in five years! Her books shattered sales records repeatedly! She's the first person to become a billionaire just by writing!

Where did you get this information? I know you didn't summon Glasya-Labolas. I don't smell any sulphur, and anyway, he always leaves a mess.

I didn't summon any demons, Mother. I Googled her and used these books.

Bell, Book and Candle, where did you get all those? By the Rede, if you've been thieving...!"

I got them from the library! See this card? It's like, like...a talisman, if you show this to the librarian they let you bring the books home!

And how do they know you're going to bring them back? There are a lot of wicked people in this world, and the wickedest are those who keep borrowed books.

It works kind of like the Threefold Rule, if you don't bring back the books you're banned from getting more. There's kind of a...a coven...among librarians so people who don't return books face shame and disapproval and have to do a penance for their wayward ways before their talisman will work again.

Humph. I'm glad to see you're keeping at least a little to the old ways. I still don't know if I can approve of all this modern electronic claptrap. Ink and parchment were good enough for your great-grandmother, they should be good enough for you.

How 'bout this? I'll print my paper using an eldritch font, so it will look like this.

It all just changed! How did you rewrite it all so quickly in the different script?

It's the magic of word processing, Mom. And if you want, I'll even run it through this Spell Check function here.

They have one on there? Well I guess this modernity isn't so bad after all. Wait! Did you sign your name Beth? Bethiah Carter Moonbeam Llewellyn...!

Aw, Mom!